Author: Angel Beldam

Today I am mourning the passing of a man I only met once many years ago. He was the husband of a woman I’ve called friend for a long time. I really only knew him though the stories told by my friend, but I know that the world lost a beautiful soul.

He was born a few months after my father, but the two men couldn’t have been more different. Both were products of the times they were born into but the causes they championed and the way they lived and loved were worlds apart.

This comparison makes it seem as if my dad was a bad man. He was not. He was complicated and a victim of his upbringing. which he then inflicted on his wife and children.

The loss of my friend’s husband makes me grieve my dad all over again, both for who he was to me and for the man he could have been.

I was out running errands yesterday because I had to mail a certain letter didn’t I? Anyway I pulled into my Starbucks to get a grilled cheese and cookie crumble Frappuccino (lunch of champions!) and when I got to the window, the barista tells me the vehicle before me paid for mine. I look over and see a truck with what looks like an older couple and I waved my thanks.

I didn’t recognize them so I assume they were doing the random act of kindness thing. I said “wow that was nice, thank you” then pulled away. It was as I’m waiting at the light to head home that I realize I didn’t ask if they had tipped. As I had no cash I couldn’t have tipped anyway, but I should have asked.

It got me thinking about something I read not too long ago. If you want to really do an act of kindness give the barista a huge tip instead of paying for the person behind you.

As someone going through the drive thru, I obviously have enough money to be able to buy my own coffee or I wouldn’t be in the line to begin with. But that barista doesn’t make very much and with Starbucks corporate working so hard to fight the union, the barista isn’t likely going to make more anytime soon. The barista needs it more than I do.

Not that I’m not grateful. It’s always nice to have someone do something kind. There’s definitely not enough kindness in the world right now.

And yes, I’m aware that maybe I should not be giving my money to a union busting company. but I can’t fix everything in the world, and I need my coffee.

If you want to do a random act of kindness, slip the barista a $10 or a $20, or tip the waitperson the amount of the bill, or double the normal tip you give your barber or hairdresser.

If you can’t afford cash, let someone merge on the highway, open the door for someone, smile and say good morning, I like your boots, coat, scarf, etc. It’s really not that hard.

Be kind my friends.

I debated with myself whether I should write about my date last night. Not because it was bad, it wasn’t. In fact I think it was one of our best so far. My reluctance, I think, comes from wanting to keep it to myself. It was very intimate and revealing.

I was included in one of my girlfriend’s favorite Christmas traditions, the decorating of the tree. I had a ringside seat to the wonderful chaos that ensued.

There was the inevitable string of lights that didn’t work, the search for fuses or another set of lights, which included a trip to the Walmart. Sadly, the Walmart did not have the appropriate lights, so the tree decorating was not completed last night. This ironically made the night that much more special.

I got to see her in her element, interacting with her family, doing something she absolutely loves doing, despite it not going to plan. I observed the dynamic between her and her sister, got to have interesting side conversations with said sister, and participate in the teasing and laughter. There was lots of laughter.

Later we had some time just for ourselves and talked more about family.  I shared with her some of my complicated feelings about my dad and there were some tears.

It was a great date. I’m looking forward to the next one, but I’m trying to stay in the present, so I’ll just savor this feeling of contentment I’m experiencing for now.

Be well my friends.

Some of you who are kind enough to read my daily ramblings may have noticed my use of the word girlfriend in yesterday’s post. That is a recent development and one I have permission to share. To be clear she has not demanded I get her permission first, but anytime I am sharing info that’s not mine or just mine to share then I feel obligated to get consent. I haven’t always done that but I do try. Consent is sexy ya’ll.

Anyway back to the change from lady friend to girlfriend. Unlike my previous relationships where the transition to girlfriend was pretty obvious, this one is different. The discussion about relationship status usually took place around the same time as physical intimacy. But in a LDR that is tricky.

We ’met’ six weeks ago and have spent a great deal of that time getting to know each other through texts, letters, and video dating.  The level of intimacy is different depending on the type of interaction, but we have definitely moved past lady friend.

When I started this blog it was supposed to be about sharing my adventures dating women, but I find myself a bit reluctant to share too much. Like maybe I’ll jinx it.

Labelling or defining what we are to each other feels momentous, but it does feel a bit weird for both of us. I’ve never been in a LDR, and her only attempt did not go well. So we’re being cautious and open and honest about what this is and where it’s going. It’s exciting and scary, and it’s not going to be easy, and it won’t be cheap, but I already know, I’m ready for the adventure.

Buckle up, my friends.

In a FB group I belong to a woman asked how we would feel if our girlfriend wanted us to take a loyalty test. Most of the responses were variations on walk away or run. One of the women responded by asking, “what are we 12?” This one made me laugh, but the question got me thinking.

A loyalty test feels very Trumpian. He made his people swear their loyalty. I want nothing to do with anything he required thank you very much. It feels like a manipulative game. And at my age and stage of life, I don’t have time, or the energy for that matter, to play games.

Besides how exactly does one administer a loyalty test? What would that even look like?

I discussed this with my girlfriend, and we were on the same page. If you need me to take a loyalty test then one of two things is likely happening. Either you are projecting your bad behavior on me or there’s something I’m doing that is making you question whether I’m cheating. Either way we have a problem. A loyalty test wouldn’t fix the problem, all it does is expose that there is a problem with trust and communication in the relationship.

My ex-husband cheated on me and the devastation it wreaked on me, literally nearly killed me. I would never do that to another human being. Cheating is a deal breaker for me and as far as I’m concerned should be for every relationship.

This brings me back to what the majority of the women’s responses to the post were. Walk away from anyone wanting you to take a loyalty test. Either you have some work to do, or they do; in either case, you are not in a healthy relationship.

Take care my friends.

For those not following the news, Brittney Griner, WNBA star illegally detained on bogus charges by the Russian government to be used as a pawn specifically because she is a black and queer American woman, is back in the US and with her wife.

I am happy for her and her family. I am also totally pissed off at the neanderthals who are objecting and criticizing the trade the US made to get her back.

Father Nathan Monk (if you don’t follow him you totally should) has the best response I’ve seen so far.

I couldn’t have said it better. Be well my Friends

“Before we go back and forth, who did you vote for? Where were you on January 6? Were you mad that the mermaid is black? Ok Cuz I don’t have time to waste.“

I saw this the other day on TikTok. Yes, I’m aware I spend way too much time on TikTok.

Then the 36 Questions that Lead to Love showed up on FB and not long after I saw a whole post about “If she’s serious why ask what my favorite color is?”

What is wrong with asking about their favorite color to start out with? I mean yeah I’m over 50 and life is short, and no, I don’t have time for games. But I’m not sure some things should be rushed.

I guess if you’re doing speed dating then that first one is good. But what about allowing for friendship. Granted I’m not likely going to be friends with someone who votes red or was mad about the mermaid, but still to be so abrupt feels rude.

If someone did that to me it would make me feel like they think their time is too valuable to waste on getting to know me. Maybe it is, but I don’t think I want to be friends with someone like that.

And what about that set of predetermined questions that will lead to intimacy and love? There are some great questions on that list, but that’s a lot of pressure right up front.

What is wrong with wanting to let the conversations be organic? I enjoy the wandering through questions like what’s their favorite book or song or if they prefer coffee or tea? Aren’t these things important too? I believe they absolutely are.

Sticking to a script limits you. It’s in the meandering where you find out how they relate to the world and how their minds work. It’s fascinating and necessary, at least for me.

Be well my friends.

For those not paying attention to politics, Georgia had a runoff election yesterday to determine the final Senator for the next Congress.

I live in Colorado so why do I care what happens in Georgia, especially since the Democrats already control the Senate? This last seat in the Senate shouldn’t have mattered so voting for the party should not have happened.

It should have been a landslide for Senator Warnock if for no other reason than his opponent was reprehensible. It wasn’t and I blame white women. And I’m not alone in wondering why so many white women continue to vote against their own self-interest.

I’ve heard all the theories, proximity to power etc., and I understand them on an intellectual level, but my heart and soul grieve for the women who are still so blinded by the lies, clinging so desperately to their place not seeing it for the prison it is.

We would be unstoppable in dismantling the patriarchy if we could just band together. Sadly this is not a battle I’m going to win today so I’ll just be grateful that in the end the right person won. But I’m not giving up, there is just too much at stake.

Be well my friends.

I was on TikTok yesterday and a late in life lesbian (LiLLes) confessed that she finally got the meaning of tacos after 2 years and that her wife felt like she failed her. This made me laugh as I had no idea when I first came out either. There were and still are so many other words and phrases too.

A straight friend once asked if the U-Haul thing on the first date was really a thing. I told her most usually waited until the 2nd date. That was how the joke was told to me, but she didn’t get why and it’s very hard to explain the intensity of emotions of a WLW relationship to someone that has not had the experience.

The toaster oven joke was another one. This one means you’ve converted a straight woman and it’s most famously known from the coming out scene in the 90’s show “Ellen”.

I’m not talking about labels or terminology like demi-sexual of asexual or trans gender, etc. All important things to know, but there are lots of those lists around on the internet as they are geared more for outsiders. But the slang for those in the know (IYKYK) are harder to find and requires an insider to help you navigate.

So I decided to ask some of my fellow FB LiLLes what were some of the words and phrases they ran across. I got some very interesting responses.

There were many different terms like Stone Butch and Pillow Princess which are the opposite extremes of how one participates in the bedroom. Tops and Bottoms are a variation and goes with the term Switch, which is someone who is both.  

I learned two new ones. The first is “100-footer”, someone so obviously queer you can tell from 100 feet away. The second was “Do you listen to the Girl in Red?” which was less obvious and took some research. The Girl in Red is an indie singer from Norway who’s known for her single, “I Wanna Be Your Girlfriend,” which came out in 2018.

The question is used when a lesbian is trying to discreetly ask you if you are also a lesbian. One of my LiLLes said it best, “That way if you look at them crazy and have no idea what you are talking about it means no but the lesbian is not outing herself”.

Previous generations used to ask, “Have you read Rubyfruit Jungle?” or “Are you a friend of Dorothy’s?”. These are easy to find, so google them if you don’t know them.

I’m doing research on more of these words and phrases. Stay tuned.

Be well my friends.

I went to the Holigay Market yesterday, but not before GPS took us to the wrong market up in RINO where we got some yummy coffee.

The Holigay Market was a 100% Queer Vendor Market set up at the Town Hall Collaborative, which is “a women-owned community gathering space that features a bar, cafe, live music, events and a creative space for classes and artist studio rentals.”

https://www.townhallcollaborative.com/

The arts and crafts at the market were beautiful and unique as were the artisans.  I wish I had grabbed some of their cards. The space was busy and full of positive, festive energy.

It was yet another queer space that I had no idea existed. My found family has taken me to some of the most amazing places.

There are several future events on their calendar for December and I hope I get a chance to get back there for some of them.

I do want to say a bit about the fact that because of recent events, the event did have guards at the doors. They weren’t in uniform or carrying obvious weapons, but they were definitely security and looked quite competent. This made me sad and angry at the need for it but grateful as I did feel safer.

Be careful out there and be well my friends.