Days 8 and 9

Have you ever used all of your energy just to get in the shower and start crying because you’re not sure you have the strength for anything else, but you focus on just washing your hair and then manage to find enough to at least get the critical parts clean? This was my morning.

What action did I do that used up all my energy prior to the shower? I stripped the sheets off my sick bed. That’s it.

I hate being sick. Not that anybody likes it, but for me it’s more than just an inconvenience. It’s another brutal reminder that I have an abnormal immune system. Of the two places where I likely caught this bug, I was with two people who never even got so much as a sneeze whereas I’ve been fighting a fever for five days.

It’s hard to find positivity when I’m feeling like this which is a shame because it’s a really nice day outside. I was supposed to be at brunch with friends celebrating the birthday of one of them and it’s only one of the many events I’ve had to miss out on because of my immune issues.

Some days it feels so overwhelming, and I wish I could just give up. But since that’s not an option I just cry and feel sorry for myself for a bit and then do what I can and try to cut myself some slack. At least after some food and a bit of rest I have enough energy to write this, though not enough for my NaNo project which will just have to wait.

I know I’ll be better soon, but this does wear on you. For all those who struggle with chronic anything–I see you. I feel you. Hang in there.

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