Day 7

Had a productive NaNo editing session after my nap yesterday so I’m back on track toward my goal. Feeling better today though I know this cough is going to be an issue for a while. I’m also feeling better about some of the decisions I’ve made recently.

Do you ever find yourself making or delaying a decision out of fear?

I do it all the time. Still. All the work I’ve done on myself over the years and I’m still allowing fear to dictate my life. This realization made me angry, which is such a powerful emotion but also not a great one for making rational decisions.

After processing through that I found myself in defiance mode and allowing the contrariness of my nature shine through. Like many people, the more you tell me I can’t do something the more I want to. Also, not the best mode for decision making.

However, all of that anger, defiance, and contrariness is great for powering me past my fear to a rational decision about what’s best for me.

I sometimes wish I could be the type of person who just goes with their gut right away and never regrets it. That’s just not who I am. Though it is interesting how often after all that agonizing and worry and soul twisting I do, and I wind up making the same decision my gut made at the beginning. Almost always in fact when I manage to overcome my fear.

I truly believe I am who I’m supposed to be right here and now, but I often wonder who I could’ve been if I hadn’t let fear dictate so many of my decisions.

Best not to dwell on that.

Happy Friday y’all.