Wallowing

Just found out I have severe sleep apnea. I’m not actually surprised, and I have the latest ex to thank for giving me the nudge I needed to go to the doctor. I’ve known there was an issue for a while.

But now there’s no avoiding it, I get to wear a CPAP. Lucky me. Won’t that be sexy for my next sleep over? Assuming there ever will be another opportunity for a sleepover.

Told my bestie and she reminded me that being alive and healthy is sexy. I said “Yeah, yeah. I’m wallowing here.”

It’s the first snow of the season so it’s cold and dreary outside and there’s lots of dread inside. Not sure what I’m dreading more, getting used to sleeping with the device or the lifetime of having to clean the stupid thing every day. I don’t even clean myself every day.

Ok, that sounds gross. But now that I work from home and don’t have to leave the house every day, I may shower every other day, and when I’m suffering with a bout of depression, even that is a struggle.

Although now that I think of it, if I’m actually getting some good sleep every night maybe I’ll actually have the energy to do those daily things that somehow feel so hard some days. And since I am trying to be a healthier and better me, I should embrace this opportunity to not feel so tired all time.

I’m not a big fan of the word should. I’ve “should-ed” on myself for years, living life with regrets and shame. But I think I will embrace this, knowing that it will help me live longer, sleep better, and be healthier.

But not just yet. For a bit I’m going to wallow in the ugh of it. . . (And just in case anyone reading this is thinking it-thin people have sleep apnea too, so don’t go there. I’m not in the mood for you.)

It’s going to take weeks maybe even months to get my CPAP due to supply chain shortages, so I’ll have plenty of time to wallow.

If you snore, or wake up with headaches, go get checked out. Be well my friends.