Angel’s First Rejection

Angel got her first rejection. I thought I’d be more disappointed but I’m really not. The call for submissions was not entirely clear on what they were looking for and what I submitted was apparently not it. But it was a kindly worded no thank you, so it didn’t hurt too much. Also, not a lot of me went into the piece so it didn’t feel personal, which also helps I think.

It’s possible though that it wasn’t right because I didn’t put enough of me into the piece. I have only ever submitted one other thing before that was not a school assignment and it was for a contest where there were thousands of entries. That was mostly just an exercise in learning to let go of something I’d written and finished. Again not much of me in it so the rejection didn’t feel so personal. I’m not going to lie though; it was a bit disappointing too. Worse than not getting an ‘A’ on my creative writing assignments in school.

I know it won’t be the last rejection I get, but I also know I do not do rejection well. Rejection takes on betrayal vibes for me and that is not a healthy reaction for anybody let alone a writer. Even assuming I get something published and more than three people read it, there will likely be people who will not hesitate to tell me how awful it is.

I think part of the reason it’s taken me so long to finish editing my book is because once its finished I need to take the next step and let somebody read it. Intentionally exposing yourself to criticism feels masochistic. So far the only people who have read my novel are people I trust not to be cruel.

Here’s the funny thing about all that though… I’ve been pouring out lots of intimate things about myself for months now in this blog, knowing that anybody could run across it and eviscerate me. And yet I’ve been doing it every day. Why is this different? How is it that my truth makes me less vulnerable than my fiction? I wonder if I’m unique in this or if its normal. Maybe I’ll reach out to my writer friends and ask.

In the meantime, I’ll just say thank you to each of you who read my thoughts and ramblings and are so kind. Be well my friends.