My Therapists

All of my therapists have been women except one and he was gay. That makes it sound like I’m a nut job but not all of my therapist were licensed in mental health. I have also had massage therapists and even a spiritual sex therapist. Though it could easily be argued that all of them had a positive impact on my mental health.

My first therapist got me through my son’s brush with the law, my divorce, and my dad’s death. She helped put me on the path toward my Buddhist practice and also recommended massage therapy as a means of reducing my stress.

My first massage therapist was through Kaiser, and she convinced me that regular sessions were essential for both physical and mental health. When Kaiser stopped the massage program, she went out on her own and I followed her.

We became friends and I was so sad when she moved on to bigger and better things. Well sad for me, happy for her. I spent a lot of time on her table over the course of seven years. She knew of my shift in spiritual practice and my being on the verge of coming out. One of the last things she did for me was recommend Tantric healing.

I was intrigued. I did some research and found a Dakini (not a brand of clothing) who hadn’t had any female clients since she first learned her practice. Tantra is all about balancing masculine and feminine energy to find the spiritual bliss in union. It is traditionally very binary, but she was not so traditional and believed that both energies were contained in every body.

Through her I learned how to be comfortable in my naked body in the presence of another naked body. What she does is legally considered sex work, but the experience for me was spiritual not sexual. She helped me work through shame better than any other person ever has. She helped me let go of the shame about how my body looked, about my desire for women, and about desire in general. She helped me to feel connected to my feminine energy which I had been denying and suppressing for most of my life.

My current massage therapist is an interesting mix of new age and traditional. She has been very welcoming of me though she has some rather conservative views on certain subjects. Views that I think she has never really questioned. However, she’s been very open to my challenges of some of those views, which has been quite refreshing.  

My current mental health therapist gears her practice toward queer patients and has been a great help in navigating my new life while also helping me deal with the inner layers of my childhood and religious trauma.

I realize that I have spent a great deal of money throughout the years and sometimes that patronizing capitalistic patriarchal voice (that sounds a lot like my dad) will say what a waste. But I am deeply grateful that I’ve been able to afford to support these women’s livelihoods while they have helped me.