I once had a conversation with a bi-sexual friend of mine about how difficult it was to date women. And I found that we had some similar experiences.

It seems there’s this thing called a “Goldstar” lesbian, which as I understand it means they have never and will never be with a man. Which is cool, except there are women who will ONLY date another gold star lesbian, which leaves all of us late bloomers out in the cold, as well as those who are bisexual and transgender. Oh well it’s their loss. There are so many amazing humans out there.

We all put limits on those we want in our lives, and we use labels to identify those limits. Our brains use labels to swiftly categorize things into known and unknown. It has so many millions of things to process each day that the only way we can function is to label things, so we know where they fit or don’t.

Labels are necessary but become dangerous when we use them to box people in to some rigid one-dimensional being, or worse, a non-being, when we “other” them.

I find myself resistant to the label of lesbian, which consternates some of my friends. I feel more comfortable with queer, but that words has negative connotations for some of my older friends especially. They lament that the L in LGBT is being lost, something they fought so hard for; and I understand, but I don’t really have a connection to that fight, not like they do.

I listen to their stories, and I’m fascinated. They fought so hard for the right to love who they love and live how they live without fear of losing their freedom, their jobs, or their lives. I will forever be grateful to all the women who have fought for my rights and privileges. Especially those rights the far right is trying to take away right now.

I will never object to being labelled a lesbian-be it taunt or tribute-because I am. But it feels limiting and chafes a bit, for reasons I don’t yet fully understand. I do know that mostly it’s about not letting other people put limits on who I am.

Don’t let anyone put limits on you. Be well my friends.

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