26 Days

There are 610 hours left give or take from the time I’m typing this until I pick up my fiancé from the airport and bring her to my home for my last night sleeping in my bed.

That also means there are only three more weekends left before I leave. That seems like no time at all. I have so many things to do and I wonder if I’ll be able to get it all done.

I’m paying attention to what I’m feeling as I write this to see if my heart and mind and body are in the same place. Knowing that there is still so much left to do, I should feel really anxious, but I don’t. There is only anticipation.

That could just be because in two days I check into both my hotel and the convention, and I know that I’m about to meet some of my favorite writers. Five whole days brushing up (figuratively if not literally or is that literary?) against women who have obtained what I aspire to achieve.

I don’t think that’s the only reason though. I’ve moved past the grief, I think, though I know that grief can be cyclical and might come back. The time I’ve spent or will spend on my ‘farewell tour’ with my friends has given me some of the closure I’ve needed and has reassured me that they will miss me but are very happy for me. Apparently, I needed to know that they would miss me so that bit of anxiety is resolved.

There’s the massive number of things that still need doing, but I’ve got my lists and timelines/deadlines written down or plugged into my calendar. And the number of things being added is less than the number of things being crossed off, so the list is getting smaller…a complete rarity in my experience, so that has relieved some of that anxiety also.

Even the disagreement we had during date night last night only confirmed that I’m making the right decision. I may be nuts, but I can’t wait to have more discussions like that with her, even knowing we will disagree.

So no more anxiety or grief, at least for now…only excitement and anticipation. Not a bad way to start a Monday. 

Have a great day my friends.