Maybe It’s Just Me

As the date for what likely will be my move date rapidly approaches I find myself wishing that everything will be easy and go smoothly. I have so many things to do to get ready that I do not want any drama in my life.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like a teenager again since coming out. Sometimes it is in the fun, I’m a horny 14-year-old boy who has discovered boobs, kind of way. But sometimes it’s in the, one of my friends doesn’t like what another one of my friends has done and I accidentally do something to upset that one because I wasn’t aware there was a problem, kind of way.

A TikTok creator I follow hates the term baby gay and prefers feral fruit. This ties into the boobs aspect I was referring to. But she is ignoring the other aspects of coming out late in life and one of those is learning to live in a community of women who handle their emotions differently than men. Or maybe she’s not. Maybe it’s just me.

Regardless I find myself in the position of having to figure out how to “fix” an issue I inadvertently created when I have so much already to do and no leftover energy to do it.

I’m already struggling with the grief of losing immediate access and close proximity to this group of amazing humans. Why can’t they just get along until I leave and then they can fall apart because they didn’t know I was the glue holding them together?

Okay that last bit is ridiculous, but my stress has me feeling like a little hyperbole is warranted.

I want nothing more than to pretend this is not a thing and get on with my ten page to do list that I fear is missing many important things. However, I love and respect this person who is upset so that won’t work and besides that is not the person I am. I used to be, but not anymore.

Time for some meditation and maybe the Universe will reveal a solution. Might be I need to do a tarot reading too. Hopefully, something will come to me.

Please be kind to each other my friends.