Embarrassment

Have you ever sent a message or a meme to the wrong person? I do. A lot. Maybe statistically higher than average I think.

Usually it’s no big deal. I’ll get a ?? from the person and I’ll say oops sorry that was for my mom, or whatever.

But every once in a while I’ll send something that causes me full on embarrassment. Not guilt or shame mind you because I never send anything to anyone I’d have to feel guilty about or ashamed of.

I try never to lie or be unkind no matter who I’m talking to, but I’m not a saint. Sometimes I am unkind, though not intentionally. Or I’ll tell someone I’m not well and can’t go somewhere or do something when in fact I just regret promising I did, or I can’t muster the energy, and I don’t trust that the person will be okay with my real reason.

Most of my contacts, however, are close friends, people I can trust to be ok if I say I’m just not in the right head space. Besides lying requires you to remember what lies you told to whom and my memory is not nearly as good as it used to be.

As for shame, I no longer do shame. I will never again let anyone try to shame me. I am allowed to exist, to take up space, eat what I want, love who I love, be sexual, smart, strong, and sarcastic without judgment from anyone.

Thank goodness those closest to me believe this too and would never shame me.

Some of them may, however, tease me endlessly for accidentally sending them a spicy meme meant for my girlfriend. My face will be pink from embarrassment the next time I see them. But I’m ok with that.

Be well my friends.