Self-Care Saturday

I had the day off yesterday and had a wonderful massage around mid-day. I basically did nothing other than that for the rest of the day. It was glorious.

So good I think that today I’m going to have a similar day. Today’s self-care will look a little different though. I will be working on my book, reaching out to friends I haven’t talked to in a while, and maybe dancing. That last one depends on my knee and a little bit on my brain.

I’ve been slowly introducing my body and mind to joyful movement. I’ve worked so hard for the last several years to deprogram my brain, to teach it that there are no bad foods and that I have value no matter what size my body is.  Joyful movement is the next step because being a complete slug might feel like my body’s default, it’s really not. I am made to move.

However, exercise always feels like punishment, and I struggle to convince my brain otherwise. Years of diet culture have conditioned me to believe that if I want to eat a certain way I must exercise, or that if I exercise I get to eat bad food.

So I don’t exercise. Rather, I’ve been randomly turning on music and dancing in the middle of my living room or swimming in the ocean and walking on the beach on vacation or visiting flea markets and just wandering.

But any time I try to schedule physical activities (like dancing lessons which should feel like fun, not exercise) it triggers anxiety.  This evening’s dance lessons are about trying to do some scheduled fun without panic or anxiety. Wish me luck.

Be well my friends.

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