Author: Angel Beldam

Quote

“Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” – Albert Camus

Book

“Hood Feminism” by Mikki Kendall

This book does an exceptional job showing feminists where their blind spots are and how to overcome them. I found it impossible to find fault with any of her conclusions even when I wanted to because she pokes at some uncomfortable points. If you consider yourself a feminist, I highly recommend you read this book.

Did you know?

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe has a dark racist history. It wasn’t always a tiger being caught.

Walmart Delivery

Got our first Walmart delivery this morning. Not sure it’s enough of a convenience to offset the membership cost but we’ll see if there are other benefits that make it worth it. The pickup works fine for us and still allows for social distancing which, considering the uptick in COVID, is going to be needed again. Tennessee and I have both been under the weather and think avoiding people whenever possible is a good idea.

Also, they are still working out the bugs. I scheduled the delivery for last night, but they didn’t have any drivers so the flowers that were supposed to be delivered for our date night didn’t make it until this morning. Since we didn’t have a date night because we were not feeling well, it wasn’t a big deal, but if they want this service used, they had better figure this out.

Back Home

I was able to watch the Broncos game last night and it was nice to watch it while texting with my mom as she was watching it too. It’s not the same of course but it brought a feeling of being back home. That’s a weird expression–back home.

This is home now, but that still feels like home too. Is it possible to have two homes? They both feel like home, but also there’s a place in my head where it’s actually mom’s house and Tennessee’s house and neither feels fully mine.

It makes me wonder if I’ve even been anywhere where I felt truly at home, where I felt it was mine. I can’t think of a single one, even here where I am happier than I have ever been. I guess I have some work to do.

My Wish

My wish for each of you is that you have or find a space that feels truly yours.

Be well my friends.

I love lazy weekend mornings when you have nothing scheduled at all or at least not until later in the day. I got up late and I slept great. Now I’m enjoying my second cup of coffee after having spent my time with the first cup checking off some online shopping to knock another item off the to-do list.

I do so like online shopping. I would love to be able to support small local businesses but it’s not always possible. I am going to make a trip to the dollar store for some gadget shopping sometime this weekend though.

Should I be spending all this money right now? Probably not but who cares?

It doesn’t matter that I may have to leave here for a little while until my work issue gets cleared up. When I get back this house, our house, will be ready for me. And I will be back.

I don’t know if this will be our forever home but I’m really starting to want it to be. I even had a vision of us getting married in the backyard under that magnificent tree.

I have to find a way to make this happen and convince my mom she needs to come here to us. Maybe even convince my BFF to move her and her hubby somewhere nearby.

Part of wanting to get everything settled is so I can start working on my book again. This really feels as if will be the perfect place to write but not being settled is making it hard. I can’t do a thing about the work thing, but I can make this place feel like our forever home in the meantime which will maybe make me feel settled even if I’m not yet.

Even consistently writing this blog is so hard right now without being settled. I struggle to find the motivation to write about anything because I’m feeling overwhelmed by the uncertainty.

I’ll keep this short so I can start working on making some things more certain by checking off a few more of those to-do tasks. I enjoyed the laid-back morning but now I’m itching to get moving.

Hope y’all have a great weekend.

I’m still so angry and sad. Why has this one death affected me so much? (see previous post if you’re confused)

Maybe it’s because Tennessee talked me out of putting up a pride flag when I moved here. She said we shouldn’t flaunt it and while I understood her reasoning, I wasn’t happy about it. Now I’m glad I didn’t insist but I’m still not happy about it. 

Maybe it’s because I’m still so upset about my work situation and that is affecting me more than I’ve been allowing for and perhaps I need to process that a little longer. Probably both are factors.

Anyway, there are so many other important things happening in the world right now. 

The most obvious being the mug shot heard around the world. This is a big thing, yes, but more important is that the recipe column was replaced by a bible column in this week’s paper. 

I wasn’t a fan of dessert lasagna recipes but there was already a religious column in the paper. Did we really need two? I hope the recipe column comes back.

The only crime news was about the woman violating her parole with drugs in her possession. This was near the pictures of all the fairest of the fair–an annual beauty contest for the county fair. We got to see the winners of the wee babes all the way up to the not so crone-ish “Senior Miss”. 

An interesting juxtaposition don’t you think? Which women are we supposed to be? I wonder.

I did manage to do my best impression of a good wife yesterday so maybe it’s working.

Tennessee is not feeling well and one of her comfort foods is potato soup. I got the recipe from her sister and made it last night. It turned out pretty good if I do say so myself and it wasn’t even that hard to make. Look at me doubling the number of meals I can cook well.

TGIF. Be well my friends.

I’m feeling big feelings as I write this.

I don’t know Lauri Carleton from Cedar Glen, California.

I had never heard of her until a few moments ago.

I can’t seem to stop crying.

What is wrong with people?

https://www.npr.org/2023/08/20/1194932544/lauri-carleton-california-store-owner-killed-pride-flag-lgbtq

This weekend’s date night was spent with friends. They are still fairly new friends for me though Tennessee has known them all for many years. I’m so grateful that they have accepted me into the fold.

It was make-your-own pizza and only one other person likes pineapple on pizza, so she made us a regular-size pie to share while the others each had personal size ones.

We ate them out on their back porch where we got to watch hummingbirds while we talked. This is a newly built house and every time we visit they’ve added something new. This time it was swings…you know the ones kids play on in parks. They are hung on the underside of the porch and Tennessee had a blast swinging on them. Made my heart smile to hear her delight.

One of the friends we were with is Tennessee’s best friend who came up from Chattanooga to spend the weekend with us. She brought her dog Madge, who is the sweetest pup and who totally bosses Buddy, our Jack Russell, but is terrified of Silas the cat.

The bestie cooked us dinner last night, fried okra and corn on the cob, and I taught her how to play cribbage. She’s going to teach me how to crochet on a future visit.

She is also a hairdresser, that’s her day job, and she gave my gorgeous fiancé a haircut. It looks very sexy, and the back of her head has that close-cropped, newly shaved feel. Yum.

We didn’t get much from our to-do list done but that’s okay. Hanging out with friends is just as important, maybe more so, at least for me.

Especially in light of the fact that two of my dearest friends back in Colorado got engaged this weekend. Congratulations!

I am absolutely ecstatic for them. They were with many of our mutual friends when it happened, and I admit to feeling sad I wasn’t there. I also admit that even if I had been in Colorado, I wouldn’t have been there with them because they were camping–in tents–in the woods. Yeah, that was not going to happen, but I’m glad they were all together. I send them love and joy.

Have a great week my friends.

Quote

I wish choosing kindness was my default. I am so much better at it than I used to be but it still takes constant effort.

On Trend

https://www.cnn.com/style/secondhand-personal-shoppers-style-bundles/index.html

The idea of having a personal shopper has always intrigued me and actively supporting “recycle and reuse” appeals even more. I hope this catches on.

Song

This parody is too funny not to share. The musicians are pretty good ole son.

@aarongagemusic

As good a time as any to share this #parody #fyp #fypシ #parodysong #trumpindictment #Georgia #georgiaindictment #music #coversong #vote #justiceforall

♬ original sound – aarongagemusic

Book

“Looking for Jane” by Heather Marshall

Jane is both a person and an ideal. A powerful story woven through the lives of three women over decades. This book made me sad and angry and defiant and validated and grateful and many other feels as well. It tackles uncomfortable truths, but despite all that it is a fairly easy read and one I found hard to put down.

SGI

I finally connected with my “local” Buddhist group and attended an online gathering. It feels good to be connected again. It was supposed to be an in-person meeting but covid reared its ugly head. I look forward to attending in-person meetings soon though I’m not sure how I feel about having to go to Chattanooga for local meetings and Atlanta for larger gatherings.

At least I can now say I’ve found my spiritual home when asked to attend church meetings. This ‘need’ some folks seem to have to ensure the well-being of my soul is so pervasive here.

Parting Shot

I’ve heard two separate instances of people in my area with active cases of covid. We are moving into covid, cold, and flu season. Be careful out there my friends.

I saw my first firefly. I was petting the cat in my office not long after sunset and was staring out the French doors when it went flitting by.

Now I know some folks call them lightning bugs, but I am going to call them fireflies because Firefly was one of the best sci-fi shows ever made and it never should have been canceled after one season.

Anyway.

Seeing that firefly made me smile and it’s just one more reason to love living here.

In unrelated news, I put together another flat box shelving unit, this time all by myself. However, I didn’t know where the screwdriver was, so I asked my beautiful fiancé where that Phillips head we used the other day was. Three guesses as to why she was apologizing to me only moments later.

If you guessed that she ‘mansplained’ to me about the type of screwdriver and came over to check the screws then you would be right.

Only moments after that she fessed up on a group chat we’re both in and I replied that I was only ’mildly offended’. One of the others wanted details, which I provided, and then Tennessee said those three magic words at the end:

“She was correct.”

I really like those words.

I have to give full disclosure of this incident. She was not feeling well at the time so I have no doubts that had she been at a 100 % she would not have handled it that way and, in her defense, I have frequently claimed to not be very handy.  

Also, I asked her permission to share this. Had she said no, I assure you I would not have, but I’m glad she said she had no objections because it was too funny not to share.

I hope you all have a fabulous Saturday. Be well my friends.

I ran some errands that required me to travel through downtown to the other side of town. It took me less than 20 minutes and that’s with visiting two different stores. It helps that I was able to use the drive-through pharmacy at Walgreens (my other stop was the liquor store but don’t tell my mom) and that I hit both stoplights on green on the way there.

I got caught at the Walmart light on the way back but if you go anywhere in town after 7 pm there’s not much open and hardly any traffic. It’s rather convenient if the business you need is one that is open that late, not so much otherwise.  

One of the businesses that is open late is the ice cream place “Udder Yum” and I was sorely tempted to stop and get a scoop or two and had it been 80 or more degrees out like it has been I might have stopped. I’m all about supporting small businesses and the local economy, but three times in two weeks might be a bit excessive even for me.

This week’s local paper was delivered, and the crime desk report was longer than the obituaries this week. I can’t remember for sure, but I think it was the opposite last week.

I think my favorite article was the one where one teacher from each grade at the elementary school named their top “High Five” student. It was cute and I liked how most were nominated because of how helpful they were.

The first newspaper I got (only 3 weeks ago?) had a bunch of lasagna recipes and I was excited about a recipe column, but for some odd reason, the last two editions have had dessert lasagna recipes. I can understand one week’s worth but two? I like dessert, but these were just weird. I hope there will be different types of recipes next week.

I find the Chamber of Commerce Column can be interesting, but the preachy column is a hard pass for me. Think they’d let me guest write a column on Buddhism? No, probably not. Maybe one of these days I’ll write something for the World Tribune, but it’s highly unlikely the Dunlap Tribune would be interested in anything I might write. Ah well, my ambitions don’t lie in journalism anyway.

Be well my friends.

One of my friends asked how it was going with my ‘red state’ living. It’s been an adjustment, that’s for sure. For instance, I went to paint pottery with my Bestie last week and I still have not heard from the owner if the pieces are ready to pick up. I even called to leave a message. Tennessee reminded me yet again that things move slowly here and to give her a chance to get back with me.

However, I can’t help but wonder if she’s not calling me back because of the rainbow veteran shirt I was wearing. After all her voice message says, “Have a ‘Blessed’ Day” and it’s the pronunciation with one syllable, not two. I can’t help but feel a little paranoid. I want to believe that my business and money are more important than my politics, but it is really hard, and the fact that everything moves so slowly here does not help my paranoia.

Another thing I am sure is a direct result of the move is that I missed one of my book club meetings. I forgot to put it on my calendar and because I had already read the book my focus has been elsewhere, so it wasn’t on my radar. It’s a casualty of the chaos of moving and it means it’ll be another month before I see the faces of my book club friends again.

I miss my friends. I miss texting and saying, “Want to meet up for coffee?” or “Let’s go see a movie”.

I saw the FB post of my friends winning trivia on Tuesday. I had forgotten about it being Tuesday. How could I forget? I miss trivia. I miss laughing with those amazing women every week. I miss the sense of belonging when I am with them.

I also love being here. I love the (mostly) peace and quiet. I love making the house our home. I love going to sleep each night wrapped in the arms of the woman I love then waking up next to her every morning. I love the neurotic animals who rule the roost here. I don’t even really mind the rain because it makes everything so green and beautiful here.

This weekend we have social events with other queer couples, and I can’t wait to be around them. I’m really looking forward to it because I miss my community and I’m hoping to build a new one here.  

I have a therapy appointment soon and it should be an interesting one. Thank goodness I didn’t have to give my therapist up. I know I could make the adjustment without her but I’m glad I won’t have to. She’s always good at helping me get focused on the right things.

I wonder if I should tell her that I’m spending way too much time TikToking? Is that even a word? My FYP is full of politics and queer content which is also highly political most of the time. I wonder if it’s making my paranoia worse. Probably. Maybe I should watch some more Masterpiece Theater instead. Or perhaps I need a trip to the library to pick up a cozy mystery.  I know I have a lot of TBR books, but I need to support my local library right?

This post feels way more stream-of-consciousness than usual. I apologize if it comes across that way. I blame staying up way too late binge-watching the above-mentioned Masterpiece Theater.

Be well my friends.

I need someone to remind me why I thought having a cat was such a great idea. He was so loud telling me he needed something so I missed my morning routine to go let him out, except he wouldn’t go out and he didn’t want kibble either.

I couldn’t figure out what he wanted so I went back to my routine and when I came back to my office he left me a steaming pile of poo…wtf?

Now as I’m trying to write this, the kids waiting for the bus are being loud and yelling at the neighbor’s dogs to shut up. What happened to my quiet peaceful country mornings? If I didn’t have a bunch of work to do I would consider calling in sick and going back to bed for a do-over.

And now the rooster is making his presence known. Really?

Here I was looking forward to getting into a groove but if this is what my mornings are going to be like I am going to have to rethink this.

I guess in a way I should thank the cat because nothing really happened yesterday that was worth writing about unless you count a 4th indictment, and he doesn’t deserve any more airtime.

Wait. There it is. The bus just left — peace and quiet.

Nope. Spoke too soon. Hairball anyone?

Ok, I give up. I’ll try again tomorrow.