Author: Angel Beldam

More goodies arrived from Amazon yesterday. The final large pieces are all here. I spent my after-work hours setting up my daybed/couch. It’s the last main piece to get set up. There’s still lots of work to do in this space, like painting and window coverings but for now, it’s starting to look really good.

I may have overdone it a bit last night but after a nice leisurely morning, I’m feeling much better and ready to get on with ticking off to-do list items. We don’t have any social events scheduled this weekend so hopefully, we can get quite a bit done. It feels like I should feel guilty about not getting started on the chores until this afternoon, but despite it being a short work week it’s actually been a long week and we needed some together downtime, so I don’t feel the least bit guilty.

I saw this TikTok video this week where the woman said we need to change our mindset when it comes to certain household chores. Instead of feeling like there is something wrong with us because we never seem to get the laundry “done” we need to learn to see it as ‘I am successful if I have clean clothes’, any clean clothes.

This is because laundry is a cycle. It is not something that is ever done. There will always be dirty clothes. They will be in the washer, in the hamper, or on my body, but so long as I have something clean then I’m in good shape.

So I will no longer put “laundry” on the to-do list but rather “do a load of laundry” or “start a load of laundry” and it will allow me to successfully check it off the list. Anybody who knows me knows how much I love to check stuff off my list. It definitely gives me an endorphin rush.

One thing that might slow us down a bit is that we’re watching the US Open Women’s Final match while trying to do chores. It’s somewhat distracting as I am actively cheering for Coco Gauff and it’s hard to write when you are watching TV too. So I’m going to wrap this up and go work on something that will allow me to watch the match too.

Have a great weekend my friends.

I’m highly disappointed in the local newspaper this week. There was nothing that elicited inspiration for me to write about. The recipes were okay. The columns extolling the exceptional students are cute and this week an additional story about the 4H Fun with Fashion winners from the state fair was different.

But there was so much news about local crime, almost all of it related to drugs, meth and fentanyl mostly. It’s unfortunate and makes me sad.

I’m struggling even to write this today. I’ve been writing the majority of my blogs the night before so as to not have such a struggle in the mornings but last night I fell asleep after work and slept until Tennessee finished her shift. We watched US Open tennis. Madison Keys was amazing but not quite good enough.

It was after midnight before I fell back asleep. This morning I’m zonked. So without inspiration, I can only apologize for this not being one of my better posts. Sometimes it be like that.

I have hope that since its Friday it’ll be a good day but this is all I’ve got for today.

Be well, my friends.

I was scrolling through TikTok, which I know I do way too much of, and I heard a creator quote someone who said:

You’re not healing to be able to handle the trauma. You’re used to the trauma. You’re healing to be able to handle the joy.

I felt that deep.

I struggle to feel worthy of being joyful. I deserve to be able to fully feel joy.

We all do.

We also deserve to be okay with having days where all we can do is be without feeling guilty about not being able to do.

Be well, my friends.

Flamy Grant of Maryville, TN put out a plea on TikTok asking for support because the local DA said the federal judge that blocked the drag queen ban only applied it to the county where the block happened not Blount County where the Pride event was scheduled this past weekend.

The ACLU sued and won a temporary block until a hearing could be held this coming Friday, September 8th. This meant the Pride event went off without a legal hitch and with twice as many people as the 2022 event had.

Well done Flamy Grant!

Also in the Tennessee news, Gloria Johnson, State Representative from Knoxville, Tennessee, is running to unseat Marsha Blackburn in the US Senate. If Gloria’s name sounds vaguely familiar to you it’s because she became famous nationally as one of the “Tennessee Three”– the three Democrats who stood up to the Republican legislature alongside the students protesting gun violence.

She, along with her two black colleagues, faced expulsions. However, being white she narrowly avoided being expelled when the two black men were. This is a fact she rightly acknowledges.

I have rules about how politically active I can be and I don’t know if I’ll be a registered Tennessee voter by November 2024, but if I am I’ll give you three guesses about who I’ll be voting for.

In very, very local news Silas the Cat thinks I am a bad cat mom and came all the way upstairs to scold me yesterday evening. Apparently, I was not at my desk when the sun went down. This is something he has become accustomed to as it allows me to feed him his last meal of the day and then open the door to let him out for the night when he is ready.

Sorry Silas my dude.

But the most important news from Tennessee is I got my Vols hat and T-shirt in the mail yesterday.

My one Georgia Bulldog friend was offended, but come on, you got to love that shirt right?

I will be wearing it on Saturday when we watch them play against Austin Peay. No idea where the heck that school is as I’ve never heard of them. The Vols are expected to win by 65 points so I am not sure how good the game will be, so I’ll ask my fiancé if she minds if I work on my new cross-stitch while we watch it.

That is all the news that is fit to print for the moment. Be well, my friends.

Do you ever feel like you aren’t doing enough? In this case, I’m thinking specifically about my writing.

Other writers are doing book reviews on YouTube, setting up Zoom meetups for connecting with other writers or for doing writing sprints, or putting together newsletters that actively promote the work of other sapphic writers on top of actually writing and publishing books.

I love being a part of this community even if it feels like I only take and never really give. I believe in my heart that one day I will get to give back too.

The 2024 GCLS Conference has finally announced a location and date. It’s in the Twin Cities in July. Tennessee said we could take a road trip there. I’m so excited! I can’t wait to take her to the convention. I hope she won’t be bored and I’m looking forward to another road trip with her.

Maybe I can volunteer some of my time while I’m there. That would be a great way to give back, right?

This also means I need to get cracking on finishing my book. Yikes! I feel so detached from it right now but I’m determined to get at least some of it done by the end of the year. I still have three weeks left to get my to-do item for my writing accountability meeting done.

It’s been a struggle this past week but I’m feeling better, and I finally got my “bookcase” set up in my office. The quotation marks are because it’s just the milk crates and a box, but all my books are now displayed and that makes me happy. Also, my office is looking very put together so maybe I can focus on my book now.

I do feel the words flowing easier than they have in a while so now if I can just get the work insecurity to skedaddle we’ll be good to go. Today I’ll be having a meeting that will hopefully go a long way toward making that happen.

Wish me luck.

Three-day weekends are great. You get one more day to get absolutely nothing done. Isn’t that great?

We did in fact get a few things done. For instance, I started in on the long tedious process of trying to find out which of my accounts are linked to the credit card that was canceled because of fraud. I would rather clean toilets with my toothbrush y’all!!!

Another to-do list item was checked off when JDM and Lil’ J-Dawg took Chucky with them. Thank goodness…he was so creepy!

Also, I helped peel apples for an apple pie made from scratch by Tennessee’s BFF. The pie crust was store-bought but if there had been more time she could have made that from scratch too! Wish I could do that. The house smelled so good y’all!

Other standard chores like some laundry and dishes got done too so it wasn’t a completely wasted weekend. Might be we could actually get a thing or two done today. It is called Labor Day, right?

Not all labor is equal though, is it? Sometimes emotional labor is way more taxing than anything physical you can do. Fending off what you perceive to be verbal attacks on your character can be exhausting even if the wielder of the verbal joust is only joking. I think I’ve spent way too much time with Millennials this past year because I forgot what it was like to be around the biting sarcasm of some Gen X-ers.

Have I gone soft? Maybe I have. Maybe I just need to leave space with compassion for someone who isn’t able to read my mind. Maybe I need to hold some compassion for myself for my anxiety and my perceived inadequacies. Maybe I’ll need to think about this some more.

Tennessee told me her mother used to say that there were just some things she could not do. She also told me how relieved she was to get her diagnosis of ADHD because it explained why some of those things were so hard for her.

I don’t have an official diagnosis, but I must have something similar. Let me share a little bit about what I mean.

During the Vols game on Saturday, I was watching the game or rather listening to it and scrolling on FB because the game wasn’t very dramatic or interesting. I don’t like just sitting and watching TV because most shows do not fully engage my mind. Usually I will play games or scroll through FB, but I feel as though I need to do something else when the TV is on. I get very antsy otherwise. The only time it doesn’t happen is if the show is really well-written and complex.

Anyway, I came across a really interesting and lengthy FB post and it caught what was left of my attention. Unfortunately, shortly after I started reading the post, my fiancé began talking to me and I did not hear her.

I don’t mean I wasn’t listening. I mean I DID NOT HEAR her. My brain was fully engaged in those other things and there was nothing left for recognizing that she was talking, let alone that she was talking to me. Naturally, as we were the only two humans in the room, she was talking to me and was rightly upset at me.

I used to be so good at multitasking. What the hell has happened to me? Was it just a temporary glitch caused by being tired and recovering from being sick? Or is it a permanent result of getting older? WTF?

I’ve always known that if I get fully into a book it can completely take me out of reality but that doesn’t usually happen when I’m watching TV or if others are around. It can also happen now when I’m writing but again that typically only happens when I am alone. When I’m multitasking I used to be able to juggle it all. Apparently not anymore.

It was something I was very cognizant of when I suddenly found myself solely in charge of Lil ‘J-Dawg yesterday. I volunteered to hang out with this precious human, and I didn’t want to find myself distracted because that kid is fast! In less than 3 seconds he can have cupcake icing smeared on the floor or a sharp knife in his hand. (For the record, those things did not happen when I was in charge but boy almighty I about had a coronary with that sharp knife incident!)

It was so good to see the amazing humans that were in our house this weekend and I think we need to do it more often, so we don’t get too isolated in our own little cocoon. Neither of us is very good at peopling but it’s good for us and these are people we love. I hope like crazy we’ll have many such weekends and that I won’t have to miss out because I had to go back to Denver for work.

I hope all of you who are fortunate enough to have today off have a great day without too much labor.

Be well my friends.

Quote

Books

The Agents of The Crown Series by Lindsay Buroker

I downloaded the full five-book series on Kindle, and I’ve finished the first three books. Each book has a complete story arc, but they are obviously meant to be read together. It’s your standard fantasy with magic and elves and dwarves and battles and royalty and I am enjoying it immensely.

Tribute

“Margaritaville” by Jimmy Buffett — Found his jigger of salt. Rest in peace.

Song

The ABC Song

We had unexpected but very welcome guests this weekend. Future SIL, who will now be known as J-Dawg’s Mama, or JDM for short, brought Lil’ J down for the weekend. He is starting to speak and loves to sing, and this is one of his favorites.

Vols

Tennessee and I watched our first Vols game together yesterday. Well, the first one where we were both in the same room. It was a pretty good game in the first half, but the Vols were way too much for poor Virginia and we quit watching before it was officially over.

Something I’m Thinking About

You ever know that you do something that really upsets someone you love but you can’t seem to not do it? You swear you won’t do it again and you try really hard not to allow that thing to happen again but then it does anyway, and you get called out on it and you get defensive and you want to say “ok yeah I did that but what about that thing you do that drives me crazy?”

But you don’t because that’s not going to help in that moment and you have to wait to address that thing they do at another time, like when they actually do it again.

It is really hard being a grown-up and trying to have a healthy relationship.

Planets in the Microwave

There are currently seven planets in retrograde right now…wtf?

That explains so much! Including the fact that some d-bag stole my credit card number and attempted to use it last night and this morning. Fortunately, my credit union is always right on it and it was caught right away but now I can’t use it and have to wait until the new card arrives. This is the card where the majority of my online wallet and monthly transactions are…sigh.

What is wrong with people?

Tarot Reading

What does the week have in store for me?

The Sun – Reversed

The Sun Reversed can mean you are struggling to see the bright side of life. You may have experienced setbacks that damaged your enthusiasm and optimism and perhaps led you to question whether you can achieve what you set out to do. You may feel depressed or left out and are no longer enjoying what you are doing. Your direction and path ahead may appear clouded or distorted.

Nonetheless, The Sun is never a negative card, so this is only temporary. The obstacles you see can be easily removed if you put your mind to it. It may just take a bit more effort than usual.

www.biddytarot.com

Parting Words

Life is hard enough without taking on someone else’s struggles. Especially if it’s not someone from your innermost circle. Boundaries are essential. Take care of yourself.

So much is happening outside these walls that I suppose it’s a good thing not much is happening inside them. We’re on the mend and slowly getting back to normal though we haven’t really had a chance to establish a routine so “normal” might be pushing it.

Thursdays mean the local paper arrived and I was so happy to see that the recipe column is back and that the second religious column was gone. The recipes were all about apples which makes sense with the weather turning cooler.  Apparently, they grow apples here. I thought they all came from Washington, but no, prime apple harvest time around here is happening right now.

Speaking of the land around here, this valley, which encompasses several counties, has been designated as a Scenic Byway. I learned this in the Chamber of Commerce column.  It was nice they remembered to mention the Cherokee and the Trail of Tears though it was pretty whitewashed. At least they acknowledge whose land this used to be.

That article then led me down a rabbit hole where I found an interesting blog about how Sequatchie Valley got its name. https://chenocetah.wordpress.com/2012/11/20/how-did-sequatchie-valley-get-its-name/

This then led me down another rabbit looking into whether the Cherokee have gotten any of their land back. It seems they were supposed to get land from both the States and the Feds, but not much has come of it. However, the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians (EBCI) has been able to buy some of their land back–prime real estate at prime prices. Nothing like having to buy your own stolen property to get it back.

My rabbit hole diving took me way past dinner into darkness, and I decided I’d better quit as I was getting hungry. I was already pissed at my little brother for reverting to his old asshole ways and missing dinner was only going to make me hangry so I shut down Google and went in search of some food that didn’t require cooking.

A ham and cheese sandwich later and I was feeling much better and ready for bed, but I didn’t get much sleep.  I at least slept…Tennessee is having trouble sleeping. It’s a good thing it’s Friday and we both have a long weekend. Maybe we can both fully recover from whatever wiped us out this week. It was not Covid thank goodness but it definitely has taken its toll.

I hope y’all have a great weekend. Be well, my friends.

I’m just dropping in to let you all know that our house is a hazmat zone with both of us under the weather. I’m not sure when I’ll be feeling up to writing, but I’ll be back soon. Take care of yourselves, my friends.

Date night did not go as planned on Saturday night, but we managed to have one on Sunday. We were busy with projects and meetings and at one point near dinner, we both realized we were hungry and needed a break.

It wasn’t the fancy dinner I had planned but it was very good. Meatball subs with parmesan and fresh corn on the cob and a glass of wine. The flowers that were delivered that morning were on the table and Tennessee lit a candle and turned out the overhead light.

It was perfect.

It was both romantic and practical and you know how I love it when things have more than one function. We were rested and re-charged to finish up the last of our tasks for the day.

Despite not feeling 100% we got a lot done this weekend. I didn’t, however, do any of the writer-related tasks I had on my to-do list as once again it got put on the back burner for other priority tasks. I’ve just not been in the head space for wearing my author’s hat.

I did get to reconnect via Zoom with an old friend yesterday though. She is my writing accountability friend and now has me planning to get to at least one of my tasks before she and I meet next month. It was good to see her and I’m feeling a bit more energized about my writing now.

We ended the weekend watching a few more Wynona Earp episodes. Nothing like wholesome gore right before you go to sleep. I’m sure it had nothing to do with the charley horse in my left calf that had me screaming in the early morning hours.

Just as I’m sure none of that had anything to do with my getting coffee brought to me in bed this morning. It was quite the treat and a great way to start the week.

I hope y’all have a great week. Be well my friends.