Author: Angel Beldam

These were waiting for me when I walked into my future home. They’re from the garden.

Wedding Bells

My future sister and brother-in-law tied the knot yesterday in a beautiful and moving ceremony. I’m so glad I was able to be there.

Quote

“There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other. ” –@dadman_walking

What’s in a name?

The little person in Tennessee’s life calls her EE. She told me ‘mamaw’ was being floated around as to what I would be called. I said it’s better than meemaw. Others that might work are mimi, gigi, or g-ma. Ultimately, it will actually be whatever he is willing to call me. I’m looking forward to finding out.

Book

I finally finished “The Jasmine Throne” by Tasha Sur. I really enjoyed it and recommend it if you like epic fantasy novels. There is a slow burn sapphic romance, but it is not the point of the plot. This is a hero(ine)’s tale.

Be warned though — this is only the first book, and the next one is not out yet.

Tarot Reading

What’s in store for me in Tennessee?

Reversed Six of Wands — define my own success and shed imposter syndrome.

What should be my focus?

Reversed Ace of Wands — start that newsletter

The pulling of both cards from the Suit of Wands means to me that this week I’ll be moving within the realm of thought and working on the early stages of this new project.

However, as Wand cards are also representative of fire signs, of Sagittarius and Aries, which are passion and enthusiasm amongst others, and as Tennessee is a Sagittarius and I’m half Aries, might could be this will be a very fun week.

As for starting that newsletter, I’m still waiting for the artist to send me the actual files for my logo. I’ll use the texted version she sent as a placeholder until she figures out why the files won’t send.

I’m so excited to get started on my newsletter. Let’s hope the glitch in getting these files to me is the only hiccup, but as I’m not very tech savvy, it probably won’t be.

Have a great week, my friends.

Today is wedding day. Four adult women getting ready in one bathroom. Good thing we have 4 hours.

There was no time to come up with my own poem so here’s one of my newest favorites. It’s from For Her by Teddy.

there’s a crack

in the window tonight

and all I can think about

is if it would be too cold

for you

if you were here

— I’d keep you warm

Have a great day y’all.

Today is finally here! I leave for the airport shortly and I managed to get everything done that was absolutely necessary so I had time to write this morning. I am so ready to be there already. I really wish this was not a round trip, but we have to get through one more separation before we can be together.

I am not going to worry about that for now though. I’m going to try and stay in the moment for as many possible moments as I can during this trip. I’m on vacation, Mom has her independence back, and I’ve paid all my bills. I have no part to play in the events happening this week except to show up and be a good guest.

I do have plans to work on my newsletter while Tennessee has to work but if it doesn’t happen that’s ok too. I am so looking forward to this much-needed break between what has happened in the past few months and what the next six weeks will hold. It’s all exciting stuff but a pause on the chaos to just be with the love of my life is just what I need.

I really hate flying but this is my last scheduled round of flying for quite a while and I’m thrilled at that. Road trips are the way I’ll travel for the foreseeable future, and I love road trips. I’m not a very good passenger so I do most of the driving but as I actually enjoy driving this is not as tally a problem. There will be many opportunities for road trips once I am living there. Unlike here you can reach a whole lot of other cities in less than a day including all sorts of little beach towns. I’m looking forward to many years of road trips.

Have a great weekend my friends and I’ll be back soon.

My logo artist is sending me the file with my logo today and I’m so stoked. This means while I’m on vacation next week I can finally set up my newsletter, then get my author page set up too. Turns out my logo artist does web design also, so we’ll connect later this summer. Now I just need to finish my novel so I can actually try to get it published. Then I’ll be a real writer.

Today I will finish packing and check-in for my flight too. My to-do list for yesterday didn’t quite get finished but I got my pedicure so my toes will look cute in the sandals I’m wearing for my future sister-in-law’s wedding. OMG, I like the way that sounds!

I’m just glad my future brother-in-law will be way too busy on Saturday, so he won’t have time to tell me how annoyed he was at me for making him step up his romance game. The wooing part has been so much fun, so I won’t be bothered if he’s mad at me, but don’t tell him that. I want him to like me.

I hope I can get everything done I wanted to but as usual I’ve procrastinated so I’ll have to prioritize the things that will have actual consequences if I don’t get them done. Why do I do this to myself? I’ve read that this is a typical ADHD trait. One of these days I’ll have to get an official look to see if I really am. It would explain so much!

Anyway, I have a very busy next 28 hours, so I’d better hop to it. Just a reminder that, as with all my time away from my normal routine, I might be very inconsistent with my blog posts.

Have a great day my friends.

Hello, lovelies. I felt drawn to work on my book this morning instead of the blog. I hope you don’t mind. Here’s an excerpt of a scene that I was working on:

Jade looked exhausted and fragile, which was not a word anyone would normally be able to say about her. Lili wanted so badly to hug her or even just touch her but that would not be a good idea right now.

“Where were you?” Lili asked.

Jade’s face filled with wonder. “It was so amazing Lili. I was swimming in the water that flows under the ranch. I lost all track of time, and I was just exploring. I could feel the river and the pond as I swam under them. I could have moved up into them, but it felt too hard, and I didn’t want to work that hard. Then I heard you calling me. I felt a tug. I tried to answer but suddenly the water all around me, I don’t know, sung I guess. That’s not quite the right word because I felt more than heard it, but it was as though it was trying to drown you out.”

Jade paused to take a drink of her tea. “I was lost in it, Lili. Nothing else mattered. But then I felt or heard, whatever you call it, that you wanted me to come to you. Your call broke the hold the magic had on me. “

“I was so scared, Jade. And I admit a little bit pissed too. Here I finally admitted to being attracted to you and the universe was going to yank you away. I wasn’t having that. It was the anger that gave me the strength to push out my want for you to come back.” Lili said shyly.

Jade grinned. “Guess I’m lucky you stopped living in denial then huh?”

We’re almost a week into June and I haven’t written anything about Pride month yet. I can’t really do it justice like others already have so I won’t go into the history of it or anything like that.

Last year I was wounded and healing, so I didn’t feel much like celebrating. I did a few things with my friends but not much. This year I had planned to attend as many events as possible, but I’ll be out of town for some of the events and too busy for most of the rest.

I’m hoping to go to one or two smaller parties in secure locations but frankly I am not sure I want to go to the really big parade and parties downtown. That’s a lot of peopling for this introvert and, honestly, I’m scared.

Denver has one of the biggest Pride celebrations in the nation which makes it a big target for the right-wing nutjobs that have become so bold in their hatred and violence.

I’m all about facing my fears but I have enough to cope with facing my internal demons that I have some control over and who won’t hurt anybody but me. I’m worried for my friends and all the brave souls who will be out there defying those who would shove us all back in the closet.

I’m also worried my body just won’t be capable of the strength and stamina it’ll require to be a part of those festivities. I’ve acquired a few more aches and pains that limit my mobility and it will take some time to get that back. If I’m lucky enough for that to happen.

So this year my presence at Pride will be limited but that’s okay because I’m living my best pride life right now and I am alright with that.

Be careful out there my friends.

I had a lovely weekend spending some one-on-one time with a couple of my friends. Hours in a coffee shop located in a bookstore and binge-watching Ted Lasso with two of my favorite people. Doesn’t get much better than that.

It helped me be not so envious of my fiancé getting last minute tickets to go see Brandi and Tanya in Nashville with her best friend. Just think, in a couple more months, I’ll be able to tag along, assuming they’ll let me. Though considering they probably didn’t get home until the wee hours on a work night maybe I still likely will say have fun.

I got a text this morning from a friend who said, “Tennessee in July? You must really love her.”

I laughed, but then thought OMG Tennessee in July!

I know a lot of my friends are happy for me and still think I’m bonkers. I wonder how many though. I know I have a couple who I would expect to say, “are you sure about this?” But none of them have. Not even my BFF who usually doesn’t shy away from telling me what she thinks.

So either they are confident that this is a good decision, or they are at least confident enough in me to know I wouldn’t be rash, that I would have thought through all the ramifications, that I will have a backup plan for contingencies.

I really love that I have surrounded myself with people who love and understand me and who are happy for me. I am going to miss them so much, but if the ties that bind are real, then we will always be banded together no matter how many miles separate us.

Yesterday I did a clarifying tarot reading and I pulled three sword cards out of five. The suit of swords, as I understand it, are associated with conflict, action, and change. Interspersed between the swords were the Devil first then the Fool which I interpreted as needing to face my fears before I can be fully open to this new adventure.

So I’ll apologize now to my readers if over the next couple months you have to slog through posts of me trying to verbalize doubts and fears juxtaposed with bursts of elation and excitement. It’s likely to be a bumpy ride, but I’m so glad you’re on it with me.

Be well my friends.

Quote

“When you’re not used to being confident, confidence feels like arrogance. When you’re used to being passive, assertiveness feels like aggression. When you’re not used to getting your needs met, prioritizing yourself feels selfish. Your comfort zone is not a good benchmark.” – Dr. Vassilia Binensztok

Books

Started “Hood Feminism” by Mikki Kendall. It’s an audiobook read by the author. This will not be an easy listen, but I’m drawn to her voice and her words and want to hear all she has to say.

Halfway through “The Jasmine Throne” by Tasha Sur. I wish I had hours on end to fully immerse myself in this wonderful book. As I don’t, I’m enjoying it as often as I can.

Music

I’ve seen several videos recently poking fun at Gen Z where they discover this amazing song only to find out their parents know all the words. My son was around 14 when he discovered heavy metal. One day I heard him listening to “Enter Sandman” by Metallica and I came into his room saying how much loved that song and started singing it. He was shocked and dismayed. I am not sure he ever listened to Metallica ever again.

No She Didn’t! WTF?

Tarot Reading

What does the week hold for me as I prepare for my trip?

Card Pulled: 3 of Swords

Funny thing about this card. It was the ‘bonus’ card that fell out during last week’s reading. I put it back because I didn’t want it and it wasn’t the card I drew, but I should have known better. By itself though this card still didn’t fully resonate with me. So based on advice from a friend I did a clarifying spread.

Sometimes it is really scary how on-point the cards can be. The conflict alluded to by the 3 of swords in this case is internal. What I read is that I need to fully sit with my fears and grief, not ignore them or they will swamp me.  Once I feel my feelings, I can get on with the work of starting this next chapter in my life and then I can fully experience the joy and excitement of this new adventure.

Okay, universe, I hear you.

200 Posts

Hit this milestone this past week! Thank you to all of you who have read all of them!

Have a great week and be well my friends.

Hello my friend,

How long has it been?

Life gets so busy I sometimes forget

to call or write a letter or text

but I do think about you

in the moments between.

A song from our youth or

a phrase heard in passing,

your favorite flower

in the neighbor’s yard or

a meal with a food that

you hate or can’t eat.

Whether we’re separated

by miles or years or

we hung out together a few days ago,

my friend you are loved and

thought of and missed.

I’m so excited to announce that I am working with a local artist to create my logo for my newsletter and author page. She has taken my rather vague musings and created something remarkable. I’ve only seen the initial sketches so far but I’m thrilled! When its finished I’ll unveil it here.

The artist’s name is JoLynn Intermill and she is very talented. She appeared on the local news when her work was featured in an art show sponsored by Team Enough Denver, a youth-led gun prevention organization. You can see some of her work on her Instagram at: @jolynn.intermill.art.

I have no doubt she will have a long and successful art career by whatever definition of success she chooses.  Perhaps one day we can collaborate on some book cover art when I too have had some success. I have a way to go before I get there, but getting this logo on my newsletter and getting it up and running are a big part of moving forward as an author.

So is getting the manuscript actually finished. I’m afraid I haven’t had as much success with that as all these new events in my life have made scratching out time to work on my subplot difficult. Fortunately I’m not on a deadline so any movement forward is good, and I am not getting discouraged.

Once life settles down a bit I’ll be back at it, not to worry. Truth is, I am doing what a lot of writers do, or so I’m told, which is finding lots of things to do so I don’t have to actually sit down and write my story. I’m not procrastinating with active intent, but the end result is the same.

I had planned on trying to get an outline started during my Thursday afternoon writing sprint session, but it was cancelled. So I played around with my new software for plotting, learning how to navigate through it and then actually started using it to help me identify where the best places were to insert subplot elements. It’s really cool how much easier it is to use than I thought.

I won’t bore you with any more about that, but I’ll just say now I’m excited to get started on my outline. Maybe I’ll have some time this weekend. Time to get my Friday started.

Have a great weekend my friends.