Author: Angel Beldam

There are so many events happening this weekend. I’ll be attending one of them this evening with some of my friends and I’m mostly looking forward to it. I want to hang out with my friends, and I love that we’ll be listening to some amazing performers including my favorite local band, Dear Marsha.

However, I find myself dreading that there will be so many people there. Like my social anxiety is off the chart pinging right now. I deliberately volunteered to carpool with someone so that I wouldn’t bail at the last minute.

It’s not just anxiety either. There’s a legitimate fear of the possibility of violence from hateful extremists, but that is easier to overcome with my naturally occurring obstinacy and defiance.

The anxiety is so much harder. Women Who Rock tonight, Dyke March tomorrow, Pride Parade on Sunday, then Wednesday through next Sunday my sapphic writer’s conference–surrounded by so many strangers, so many days, so close together, my nerves are just jangling.

Since the conference and the music tonight are paid-for events, I will be going to those, but I have to give myself permission to not overload and fry my system.

I sincerely wish I was an extrovert sometimes. This weekend is prime time to hang out with so many of my friends and acquaintances who have been so welcoming and whose community I will miss when I move.

Some other smaller events and gatherings are coming up that I’m planning so I won’t be missing out on time with those closest to me, but I do regret not having the energy for the joyous celebration of the masses. Especially knowing that I’m moving to a place where massive events like those this weekend just won’t happen, not on this scale anyway.

Alas (such a great word) I’ll just have to accept my limitations.

For all of you who will be attending every possible pride event this weekend stay safe and have an amazing time.

Tuesday night I got back from trivia and something had scared the dogs, probably fireworks, and it took them hours to settle. It was after 2 a.m. before I got to sleep which is why you all just got a photo of Stonehenge yesterday.

I went to bed early last night as I was exhausted, but mother nature decided last night was a great time for a very loud and long-lasting thunderstorm.

Poor Sputnik is so scared of storms.

Below is a picture of what I had to deal with until the storm passed after midnight. Yes, that is her butt on my ear.

Needless to say, I had another night of not much sleep. So if you interact with me today and I look like a zombie or sound like an idiot, please be kind.

Blessings to you all on this longest day of the year. Embrace the light.

I forgot how long it takes a Moka pot to brew coffee and so I’m barely into my first cup. I did get a furry, tail-wagging wake-up snuggle this morning, so that was nice. I love these two pups.

I’m going to miss my four-footed friends almost as much as their two-footed caretakers.

I’m looking forward to trivia tonight. I am hoping most of my friends will be there. Not many trivia nights left with these amazing humans. I’m glad that there is trivia on Tuesdays at the Big Chill in Chattanooga. It’s a longer drive but not by much.

Why do all my entries lately feel like Dear Diary entries? I guess because they sort of are.

Anyway, I finished listening to “Stonewall” by David Carter. It is the book my SLC book club will be discussing on Wednesday. I’m glad I read it and I learned a few things I didn’t know, but I’d like to read other books about the riots to compare because it felt disjointed and incomplete to me. Perhaps that was because of how I consumed it.

I also finished reading “The Mitford Affair” by Marie Benedict yesterday. As with all the others of hers that I’ve read it was excellent. I found her author’s note about how difficult it was to write the Hitler scenes most fascinating.

I also managed to get some work done on setting up my newsletter account and tweaking my blog page. Lots of work left to do but it was good to make progress. This house really is good for my productivity.

Time to get started on my work week (for real this time). Have a great day my friends.

Totally forgot today was a federal holiday. I knew it was a holiday, but I forgot it wasn’t just locally celebrated anymore. Not very good for my ally card.

My only excuse is I have so much on my to-do list that this just slipped my mind. I even signed on to my work computer and checked my emails. I noticed that nobody was green in teams, and I thought ‘That is weird’, so I looked at my calendar and saw Juneteenth.

Despite Tennessee mentioning something last week it still only then crept into my head that today was a day off type of holiday. This then means that my procrastination in packing and preparing a blog had no real consequences except a late post for today’s blog.  

I don’t know much about today’s holiday, obviously. I need to educate myself on more than the basics. I’ll start on TikTok since I have time. I follow several creators who do an excellent job of telling white women who want to do better how to, in fact, do better. It’s always a good starting off point.

Some of my favorite creators are Portia, Goddess Mia, White Woman Whisperer, and Empress Onyxx. I learn a lot from each of them though sometimes it can be very uncomfortable to hear.

I did not spend much time on TikTok last week or this weekend, which is probably good. I wonder if I can actually do a targeted search on the app and get on and off without getting sucked in. Probably not, but I’ll try.

Anyway since I have extra time today maybe I should do something productive with the time, but this entry may be the only thing that gets done because I’m experiencing one of my funks.

I love these two sweet pups and I love hanging out here, but the last time I was here, I got engaged and I’m missing her like crazy. So instead of being productive, I’m going to listen to my book club book and play games on my phone tucked up on the couch or in bed.

Hope you have a good week my friends.

Work Accomplished?

I did not in fact work on my newsletter this past week. I didn’t even write at all during the last couple of days of my trip. I was in a bit of a funk because I did not want to leave.

I read while Tennessee was busy and hung out with her when she wasn’t working. We had lunch on Friday with a friend of hers I’d only met via video chat, and we picked up a desk and moved a dresser (sort of).

I did manage to finish four books this week though.

Books

“D’ Vaughn and Kris Plan a Wedding” by Chenicia C. Higgins

Loved this book. The premise is a reality show where the two women have to convince their families that they are in love and getting married in six weeks. I especially loved how the author had a thick (versus fat) character and it was just a fabulous part of who she was…no constant shaming or diet talk.

“Broken Beyond Repair” by Emily Banting

Ice Queen lesbian romance with characters over 40. This novel is an award winner from the sapphic writer’s conference I’m attending next week, deservedly so.

“Magic Claims” by Ilona Andrews

The latest Kate Daniels novel. If you know you know and if you don’t you are missing out!

“The Plot is Murder” by V. M. Burns

This was a fun cozy mystery about a widow who opens up a mystery bookstore while writing a cozy mystery while solving a not-so-cozy mystery. It was a perfect vacation, rainy day book.

It was very rainy the day I read the bulk of it; and now that it’s been returned, I have established with the Dunlap Library that I’m a good borrower and can be trusted to take out more than two books at a time. Apparently, I’ll now be allowed to check out 20 at a time if I so choose. That will probably not happen though it might be fun to try. Because you know I don’t have a big enough TBR pile.

Misc.

Today’s chores are unpacking, laundry, and repacking. I leave tomorrow for 10 days of dog-sitting with the loveable Sprocket and Sputnik. Their house is very conducive to getting lots of writing and work done, so hopefully I actually will.

Not doing a tarot reading this week because I don’t even want to know. I’m going to pretend it would say rest and catch up on last week’s stuff.

While writing this I heard sirens and decided I’d rather hear the rooster. I already miss that dang rooster.

Thank you to those still reading and providing feedback. It really does help to not feel as if I’m shouting into the void.

Have a great week my friends.

I got my library card and checked out a book–murder mystery of course.  I met the current librarian and the one in training. They were very nice and the older one was very excited to tell me about the Libby app. I think she was a tad disappointed that I was already an avid user.

I need to load my new card into the app and see what my options are. I was told about the controversy at the library over ’50 Shades of Gray’ so I’m fairly certain I won’t be checking out any lesbian romances anytime soon. This library is small in a small town, but it does have an excellent selection of mysteries so I can live with that.

I did not get cherries at the fruit stand but discovered fried pies. Oh my goodness, what a treat! Next time I stop by there I should probably make sure to get some fresh fruit too. Probably.

Fried pies, easy-peasy library card process, cool weather–ever get the feeling that the Universe is conspiring to make sure you’re ready for the next step? I’ve been reminded though that this mild weather we’ve been having is not normal and I am certain there’s a sense of humor hiding in there somewhere to remind me it won’t be all roses and rainbows.

Take for example the giant black bug I almost stepped on in the hallway last night. Have I mentioned how much I do not like bugs? It’s the price to pay for this luscious greenery I suppose.

Must there always be a price to pay? Or is that just a construct of capitalistic Christian patriarchy? You know the one that says you must always hustle, resting is actually laziness, and if you get a piece of the pie then there won’t be enough for me.

What if we just lived expecting abundance as our due? What if I could stop seeing bugs as a bad thing but as a sign of being an integral part of a healthy ecosystem? What if I could see obstacles as opportunities instead?

I can, I know I can. It’s work I’ve been doing for a while, but I sometimes get lost and need a reminder. My life is full of abundance, and I am so grateful.

There’s a world of difference between price and prize, and it’s really a fairly simple switch, but it’s not always easy to recognize. I’m working on it.

Have a great day my friends.

I find myself in a weird place today. A place I often find myself when I’m halfway through a vacation where I don’t have anything really planned. Not quite bored and a bit restless.

I should be working on my newsletter, but I found I wasn’t even motivated to write this blog post this morning.  I think it’s because I want to start fixing up the room that is going to be my office and creative workspace. It’s not quite ready for me to get in there though so that will have to wait until I get back.

I think I’ll go explore the town of Dunlap this afternoon. There’s a library and a thrift store I need to check out and a fruit stand where I might pick up some cherries.

When I did the Walmart grocery run yesterday I discovered there’s a farmer’s market on Saturdays. I won’t get to visit this trip but I’m looking forward to walking through it when I return.

I spoke with H (Tennessee’s roommate) who highly recommended a local massage therapist so I will send an email to see if she’s taking on new clients. I’m really going to miss my previous one, but if this new person is as good as H says, I’ll be happy.

I waved to the mail person when she delivered the package I got for Mini E this morning. She left a dog treat on the box for Buddy. They are apparently best friends.

I think I really might like living in a small town even if the view out the front door is two old rusty trucks with parts obviously missing. Seeing as how the view when I first wake up in the morning is one I’ve waited for my whole life, it makes little difference to me what is outside that front door.

Have a good day my friends.

For someone who’s on vacation, I am still getting up way too early. Not that it’s really early because the sun has been up for hours. Since I don’t have to be anywhere anytime soon I wouldn’t be up except, well you know how it is, bladder, dogs, etc.

Now I’m up with my coffee and listening to the birds. There are so many more here and that does not even include the rooster which I don’t think I’ve heard yet this morning. Something has some of the neighboring dogs going wild but none of the nearby ones are noisy, at least not the ones who live here so it’s not an imminent threat.

I was skimming through social media and saw so many of my friends celebrating the Nuggets and their first-ever NBA championship. It felt weird watching it on Hulu and then not hearing all the fireworks. It was an amazing game, and I am super envious of my friends who were in the arena last night and of the ones who’ll be at the parade. Not that I would have attended even if I had been in town. That is too much peopling for me.

I really don’t like large crowds. I still haven’t decided if am going to the Pride Parade at the end of the month. Not only am I worried about possible violence, but the sheer number of happy shiny people (not to be confused with Shiny Happy People) that will be there is intimidating AF.

I have never been, though, and feel as if I should. However, I have learned not to fall for that nasty old should anymore. It’s not tricking me into doing anything I don’t want to simply because I feel obligated to do it. Of course, this may be the last time I am in the same space as an event of this size and scope. It may be my last opportunity. We’ll have to wait and see.

The rooster finally made his presence known. It’s a very considerate rooster to wait until after 8 am, or maybe he’s just lazy. I don’t mean to malign his character, as it is possible this was actually round two and I slept through the early morning crowing.

I think maybe I’ve been up long enough. It’s time for that vacation morning nap.

Have a great day y’all.

Yesterday I introduced the child that will soon become integral to my life. In this space, we’re going to call him Mini E.

Mini E is fascinated by my writing tablet. He wants to play on it but he’s also okay just watching as the words appear on it as if by magic. It’s like one of his games on his little learning tablet. He is so very cute, and it would be so interesting to know what’s going on in his mind when he’s watching me.

I might have to get him an etch-a-sketch or a child’s version of this kind of tablet with its own stylus pen.

After only a few moments of research, I found the perfect thing and ordered it. It’ll be here on Wednesday. Good thing too.

Here’s a riddle for you:

What happens when you forget to pick up the dog’s bowl of water and you are momentarily distracted and a child with a penchant for dunking things has his tablet in his hand?

Answer:

A frantic search for rice and a container to hold that tablet and rice.

Follow-up question:

What if that same child also has a molar or two trying to pop through?

Answer:

Couch time snuggling with EE watching favorite sleepy time videos drinking juice laced with baby Tylenol from a sippy cup.

It’s hard being two going on three years old.

It’s been a while since I’ve spent any length of time with a two-year-old. There’s a reason we have babies when we’re young. Good thing there were three old ladies watching him most of the time. We were almost a match for him.

Almost.

I’ll need more practice I think. It’s been way too long. I’m looking forward to more weekends with Mini E. It will be quite an adventure.

Happy Monday y’all.