Has It Really Only Been Six Months?

The year is half over. We survived, but damn. The Spring Equinox and Summer Solstice came and went unfazed by our tiny human dramas.

They don’t feel tiny to me, though. A racist, misogynistic, bigoted predator has been wreaking have with his malignant narcissism, destroying our economy, our standing in the world, and so many lives. The amount of damage he has caused just to me and mine would take up pages that I just don’t have the energy to write.

Despite being forced to retire and losing what was a big part of my identity; despite dealing with the fear, anger, and anxiety that accompanies so much chaos and change; despite living in a place where so many of my “neighbors” abhor and fear who I am and are, either actively or passively, working toward destroying me, my family, my friends, our way of life, civility, decency, and our democracy; despite all of that, I am happier, more hopeful, and more full of purpose than I have ever been in my life.

I love my wife and the life we are building and creating together—our garden is lush, and the rest of the yard is looking good too, as we make it welcoming for family and friends. Now we just need to invite them over more often.

I do, however, admit to maybe taking on more than I was fully prepared for: a Harvard class, Democratic Party Secretary, beta reader and editor, writer, book club leader, and member of two more. There are days I feel so overwhelmed that I end up shutting down, but I would make these same decisions again every time.

I was always good at imposing order on the chaos in my life. The fact that I’ve not had this much chaos ever in my life, or at least not for many years, just means it will take some time and effort to get my shit together, especially since I’m not as young as I was, or as healthy.

However, I’d like to think that the wisdom and experience I’ve gained over the years are worth some of that youth. If I could just get this stupid executive dysfunction, which has slowly crept into my aging brain, to stop being quite so dysfunctional, I might actually be able to put some of this chaos into order.

Or not. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

I apologize for not posting more, but I hope you’ll all stay tuned to see how it’s going. Take care of each other and yourselves, my friends.