My first attempt at writing this week’s blog had a lot of swear words. Once again I moved it into journal mode to discuss with my therapist. Suffice it to say that the gist of my rant was that I could not decide if our government is now a kleptocracy or a kakistocracy. Two words I had never even heard of until recently.
Now y’all know I’m a word nerd and usually love learning new words and where they came from, but I wish I had never heard either word. In case you don’t know them yet and don’t want to look them up, here they are:
Kleptocracy – government by people who use their power to steal their country’s resources (first known usage: 1819)
Kakistocracy – government by the least suitable or competent citizens of a state (first known usage: 1644)
I’ve heard this last one compared to the word ‘idiocracy’ which was coined in 1967 and is also the name of a sci-fi dystopian movie made in 2006. I’ve heard many people make comparisons to our current political environment as being foretold in this movie. I have not watched it, but I might just have to since the great Maya Rudolph is in it.
Anyway, the amount of space I keep letting these idiots and criminals have in my head is ridiculous. Earlier this week, I told Tennessee I was ready to call it a night. She went off to get ready for bed and instead of turning off the TV I thought I’d just pop over to see what Rachel was saying. My wife comes back into the room and says, “You just can’t help yourself can you?”
The answer is, apparently not. Every day I say I’m not going to let it get to me and I’m going to focus on other things, but then, inevitably I’m sucked back in. It so easily triggers my executive dysfunction. I start doom-scrolling while I’m listening to a Jen Psaki podcast or, if I’m honest, any TV show I may start watching, and despite my brain screaming at me that I have so much to do I can’t seem to get my butt up and go do anything.
My therapist gave me some suggestions to try and push through, so I’m going to try and break out of that cycle this week. Something needs to work because I’m hardly even reading let alone writing. And me not reading or writing? That’s just wrong.
I’ll give myself a little grace because the to-do list of things that need to get done before I retire is massive and daunting. There’s little wonder why my brain is saying ‘nope, no-way, I don’t wanna’.
I realize that I just said I’m not reading or writing, but to be more precise I am still doing those things, but not at levels I’m used to. For instance, I just finished one of my book club books: “Home is Where the Bodies Are” by Jeneva Rose.
https://www.jenevarose.com/home-is-where-the-bodies-are
It’s a murder mystery told through the points of view of very dysfunctional family members. I’m not sure I can say that I liked the book, but I will say that I was compelled to keep listening so that I would find out if the killer was who I suspected it was.
My discomfort with the book had to do with how the mother’s love for her children and her desire to protect them was so very skewed. It made me reflect on the ways I enabled some of my son’s bad decisions that I later resented him for. Talk about uncomfortable! I think we’re both in a better place now though. Time will tell.
I wish I could say I’m ready for this upcoming week, but I can’t. With the possibility of another government shutdown coming this Friday, I am once again filled with uncertainty. Depending on the length, it could interfere with my retirement paperwork getting processed which would cause all kinds of downstream delays. I am so weary.
I did manage to get everybody’s taxes done. Hopefully, all of you have done yours by now. Also, our new batch of microgreens will be harvested today. I have yummy Dagwood sandwiches planned. So there is that.
Take care of yourselves, my friends. Oh and drop me a like or a comment if you know who Dagwood was. :)
Baby Gay When You're Fat and Gray - All Grown Up 