What a Long Year This Week Has Been

This has been a very long couple of weeks. I have started to write this blog several times, but my mind, body, and soul have been so battered and bruised that my limbic system seems to be in a catastrophic meltdown. These past few days I’ve been experiencing headaches that I’m fairly certain are high blood pressure related, but I’ve been too scared to test that theory. One can only be in flight or fight mode for so long before something breaks.

After an agency all-hands meeting to discuss the latest knife twist of this administration, I broke down in tears yet again. My heart was beating way too fast, and I needed to ‘do’ something. Fortunately, we had our first really nice day, so I walked around the backyard for a bit then went over to our fire pit, sat in the Adirondack chair that was fully facing the sun, and just “was.”.

I watched Buddy and Silas explore the yard and periodically come over for me to scratch their ears. I listened to the birds and the neighbors’ dogs and the trucks on 111. I felt the heat from the sun soaking into my black clothes. And slowly, breath by breath, I was finally able to relax. It took nearly 30 minutes before I was able to come back in and face the rest of the day. It has not been the most productive work week of my life but I have been doing my best.

Writing Class

So I was supposed to start a six-week writing class last week but had to miss the first day. One of my book club friends was there though and gave me the assignment, which was “How would I make my community better?” Here’s what I wrote:

I am a new member of this community, and I am different from many who live here though you can’t necessarily tell just by looking at me. I was anxious about how I would fit in. I realize that finding my place here required some of the same steps that I would take to make this community a better place.

First, I joined local organizations, starting with getting my library card. I was happy to see that our library was both literally and figuratively at the center of our town. I even started a book club that meets monthly at the library.  As a USAF veteran, I also joined the American Legion. The local Legion and the VFW are very active here. Supporting these organizations has allowed me to interact with many people and begin to make friends.

The next step was to participate in local events. Here’s where being a member of the Legion has helped. For example, I volunteered to assist at the Legion booth during the Fourth of July celebration. I not only helped my chapter raise funds for helping the community, I also got to meet lots of my fellow residents and they got to meet me, and my wife.

Last, but not least, we support local businesses. We enjoy gathering with friends at the Bee Knees to watch the Lady Vols or at Smalltown Ceramics to paint coffee mugs. We shop at Natural Affinity for hand-crafted soaps and lotions and at Hughes for our produce, garden seedlings, and fried pies. Not only does this let us support local business owners, but it also allows them to get to know us.

How then does any of this help our community better? It allows those here who may fear what they think of as ‘other’ to realize that we’re really not that different. It’s a lot more difficult to see someone as ‘other’ when you’ve shared a beer together cheering on the Vols and as a result, people become more open and tolerant of others. Being more open and tolerant citizens makes our community better.

I’m not sure how much I’ll learn in this class but it’s a chance to write every week and to get to know my new friend better. She read my homework essay and asked me if it was working-my attempt to expose my community to an “other” and see that I’m like them-I chuckled and said I was having mixed results.

Here’s the thing though, despite the number of space laser nuts I meet here, I continue to meet folks like my friend, or my American Legion friend I had happy hour drinks with to discuss my not feeling very welcome or safe at the Legion Hall. I am slowly making a community here and that is part of why I’m so upset about being told I have to go back to Denver.

Anyway, back to class on Tuesday. Our assignment for next week is to write on one of three topics: 1) how do I feel about the new airpark that someone is trying to put in; 2) how do I think Trump did his first week in office; or 3) what kind of hamburger would I be?

I could pick another topic if I wanted, but that night I wrote about 180 words on what kind of hamburger I would be. I know next to nothing about the Airpark so don’t have an opinion, the second option would have meant embarrassing tears, so I wrote about the hamburger.

I started by saying I’m most definitely not your dollar menu burger, but neither am I the gold-plated Kobe beef one either. I described what I would consist of then realized I might not be gold-plated, but I am a bit bougie anyway. It was fun and felt good to be writing like that.

I really do want to start posting more regularly and now that I’m taking this class and writing in the mornings with my online writer buddies again maybe I can. Please be patient with me as I try to navigate myself and my family into this next chapter in my life.

Take care my friends