Happy Pride Weekend

There are so many events happening this weekend. I’ll be attending one of them this evening with some of my friends and I’m mostly looking forward to it. I want to hang out with my friends, and I love that we’ll be listening to some amazing performers including my favorite local band, Dear Marsha.

However, I find myself dreading that there will be so many people there. Like my social anxiety is off the chart pinging right now. I deliberately volunteered to carpool with someone so that I wouldn’t bail at the last minute.

It’s not just anxiety either. There’s a legitimate fear of the possibility of violence from hateful extremists, but that is easier to overcome with my naturally occurring obstinacy and defiance.

The anxiety is so much harder. Women Who Rock tonight, Dyke March tomorrow, Pride Parade on Sunday, then Wednesday through next Sunday my sapphic writer’s conference–surrounded by so many strangers, so many days, so close together, my nerves are just jangling.

Since the conference and the music tonight are paid-for events, I will be going to those, but I have to give myself permission to not overload and fry my system.

I sincerely wish I was an extrovert sometimes. This weekend is prime time to hang out with so many of my friends and acquaintances who have been so welcoming and whose community I will miss when I move.

Some other smaller events and gatherings are coming up that I’m planning so I won’t be missing out on time with those closest to me, but I do regret not having the energy for the joyous celebration of the masses. Especially knowing that I’m moving to a place where massive events like those this weekend just won’t happen, not on this scale anyway.

Alas (such a great word) I’ll just have to accept my limitations.

For all of you who will be attending every possible pride event this weekend stay safe and have an amazing time.